Get up.

Why are you okay with mediocrity?

You know what I'm talking about. You set your alarm at night to go off 15 minutes earlier than usual so you can get up and get back into a pattern of reading the Bible and praying, but let's be honest: was that ever really a pattern anyways?

There was that one time in college when it was a pattern. But there was some awesome accountability all during that time. The kind of accountability that would throw you out of bed if you slept in 2 extra minutes. Yeah, that worked then.

There was that other time when you were so freaked out by the fact that you had just committed to adopt three sisters from foster care, and you felt completely helpless in your own power to be any kind of dad to them, let alone a loving father. Only God could give you the daily strength and ability to parent these girls, and still be a good parent to Whitney and Jackson, and a good husband.

But those two instances of short-lived patterns of intentionally seeking God's wisdom and asking Him for help ended. Why?

You feel distant and listless. You feel like things are not where they should be. You are going through all the motions the way you normally do, but is there any satisfaction? Is there peace and joy? What's missing?

You don't know how to fix things. Most meaningful communication with your wife has been silenced because the only meaningful time you could have with her has been exhausted by the demands of six over-dramatic, destructive little tornadoes you call children. Your children. The stubborn little blessings given to you by God.

Side note: these gifts did not come with a gift receipt. No returns or exchanges.

You think you know what you need to do. Maybe try to do what your dad did. Rule the kids with an iron fist. "You may not respect your mother, but you darn well better respect my wife!"

Yeah, fear will get them to comply. Unless they don't fear you. Unless they fear everything. Unless they have learned to control their fear with rage.

Maybe try what your mom did. "I am very disappointed that you would speak to me that way." That worked some of the time. Except for when the child doesn't care about your feelings. Or when they are trying to manipulate a situation to get what they want. Or when all they've seen early in life is adults they should have been able to trust constantly disappointing them.

So you don't really know what you need to do to be a good parent. You have a lot of kids, but you are in no ways a professional.

And your wife? You can tell she needs help--she's even asked you for help--but you can't give her the help she truly needs because you can't give away what you don't have.

You can't ignore the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace and still expect to have wisdom, strength, purpose and peace in your daily experience.

How is that mediocrity working out for you? Get back with God, and get over it. It's not for yourself, though you will feel better. It's not for your wife and kids, though you know they deserve it. It's for God, your Creator, your King, your Friend. How do you think He feels about how you've been ignoring Him lately?

You can fix that. The distance you feel from God isn't because He stepped away from you; you just need to take that one step back to getting closer to Him. It's an easy step- just fall out of bed and start talking to Him.

There is no app for that.

So far, I have been a horrible blogger. I haven't posted anything on this blog for a year and a half...

So I am not blogging ever again.

Instead, I am journaling. Hopefully it goes better now that I have lowered my expectations of myself.

This journal is about me, written by me, to me. Yes, you are reading it, but that's ok. I am letting you eavesdrop on this conversation. Maybe you'll learn from my mistakes and avoid them in your own life. Perhaps you will LOL at my expense, and I am ok with that too. If at all possible, stop me from blowing it big time if you see me on track to blow it big time.

But enough about you. This is about me.

Someday I really need to go back and try to journal what has happened in the last 18 months since adopting the three girls. I guess I have been able to justify in my mind that I didn't have to journal since Emily blogs about our family 7-10 times a week. But yesterday I realized that I am at a loss today because I don't have a catalog of blogs, er, journals to look back on and to share with others.

Ross and Jessica are adopting two kids from foster care. They are just meeting them for the first time, and Ross needs someone who has gone through the same thoughts, feelings, emotions, uncertainties, mistakes, etc, that he is going through right now.

I am that guy.

I wish I had something he could read that might help him as he is going through the steps, but I don't. I could have, but I didn't do it. I'll just have to be there in person. There really is no app or formula for adopting. All the more reason to be there for Ross.

And all the more reason to keep journaling.